21th

Dear Wana,

Happy Birthday.

Wish you all the best and good luck in your life journey. Be healthy. Be kind. Be your own best friend. Be your own man. So that you can live without a man. Love yourself unconditionally. Please stick with your healthy habit ritual. Work hard. Put love on whatever you do. I want to see how far you can go.

Sincerely, Wana.

HAPPY EID 2015

It was holy Hari Raya. As always, I appear myself simple with a black shawl and purple baju kurung. My shawl didn't shape properly, but whatever... Hehe. Normally Kakyong would fix it for me and tell me what cloth to wear during Raya. But this time is different, Kakyong was not here, she was with her husband's parents house. During the first day of Raya, surprisingly, many of our families wearing the theme purple color. Plenty of them wearing gray and pink or red which also match with purple color. Ayah Long, Ayah Ngah, Umi Cha, Uncle Adi, and Umi Shida were here on 1st Syawal. Umi Cha and her family were came from USA. Kakyong and Hanafi immediately appear the moment of the family photo session. Ayah Ngah and Umi Shida with their family was not in the photo because they appear later after the photo session. At night, we went to the Umi Mah house. Some of our cousins and nephew wouldn't be able to join us because of working or being someone's wife.

All the daddy's girl.

On 2nd Syawal, is an open house to all our family member. I can see we all are growing up or getting older. Its good to see when everybody took turns washing dishes, either male or female. We also will make sure everything looks neat and clean. The last but not least of the day, all the big female cousin took a photo together. Uncle Ijam and family was here today. Auntie Aida and my little cousin named Auni asked why she hasn't seen me in a very long time. I just told them I was in USM during the school holiday.

On 3rd Syawal, we celebrate Athirah's birthday one day early since many of child age cousin and nephew was here. We gather together at Kota Tinggi KFC with Secret Recipe Cake. Then we have a walk in the garden. Meanwhile, my course mate, Nurin text me. She invited me to her house.

On 4rd Syawal, me and my family on the way to home. On 5th Syawal, we went to USM to settle something issue. On 6th Syawal, we went to Mak Ngah's house.

On 9th Syawal, Kakyong and Hanafi were here. So, 'us' as a sibling went to Mak Ngah's house in Kamunting and then we went to Tok Chick's and Mak Ngah Puzi's house in Batu Kurau. Amalina, my Convent school mate, text me to invite me to come to her house whenever I'm free. She told me she missed me :)

On 16th Syawal, it was my second cousin Dr Fairuz wedding day in Batu Kurau at Dewan. I'm going there with Umi and Athirah. We met my father's relative. It's been a while we haven't met. Im chatting with Pak Long about educational stuff and etc. While that, Umi watching me from far and snap a picture of me talking with Pak Long. It was the first time I'm chatting with him, like an adult.

On 17th Syawal, we went to  Cikgu Baini's open house. After that, I went to The Store to buy some carrot and met with Jevitra Devi, my Convent school mate. She is working there as a cashier.

On 18th Syawal, good news, my exam result maintains, Alhamdulillah :) but unfortunately, I want A+. Yelah, Wana. Takboleh janji. Insyallah, Wana. Untuk Umi Ayah :)

(note: 
-Receive duit raya, 
-Some people thought I was high school kid. Am I look so young? Hehe. 
-Some other people thought I was in medical course. Just like what I have planned when I was younger.)

Project

Analog mini project

I am new in this whole thing. This is the first time someone was depending on me to do project. Every day, I sleep and wake up at the same time. The first thing that came across my mind was about this project. I'm worried if I'm unable to make the project happen. I'm worried if I fail in this project. I do enjoy myself doing research about this project. I do enjoy sacrifice my time and money for this project. I attempt this alone. In a countless times. In a countless hour. I already try the best I can. Meanwhile, my target for this semester maybe will be gone because there was a weaknesses in this project. Lack of team work happens. Anyway, I'm fine doing this alone. Really. Because I'm enjoying it. Let's just forgive and forget :) Because everybody has their own weaknesses. Rite? So do I.

Microprocessor and Micro-controller mini project

It's been a nightmare. Only Allah knows what actually happen behind the scene. I have to face a lot of hardship. But it was fun. I am enjoying it :) I'm fine. Really. But... The truth is, I was dying and scared to face each day. I forced myself not to give up. Maybe this is the easiest part in my life. But I'm fail to face and handle it. I need to be prepared to face the hardest part in my life soon. I am dumb and scared person in many things. 

"JUST LEARN TO BE A MAN TO YOURSELF, WANA."

Having Annual Dinner (2nd year)

Still trying to manage my time to come to this event even tho, in my head, I still worried about my project. The reason why I went to this event is just to gain my relationship with my course mate and senior.  This event being held at PUMA hall. I came to this event with Nurin, Farihan and Nurina. I'm wearing simple dark color baju kurung. As always, I didn't capture myself a photo, selfie, or etc. I always let the photo fed away. But meanwhile, Nurin just capture my 1st selfie of the year :)

Kakyong and Hanafi, Nuar and Erina, wedding.

Can you spot my nose?

So, I've been asked to be a bridesmaid or maid of honor. I am a sister to the bride, so being a good bridesmaid should be easy. At that moment, I don't really know what's expected of me. I just get dressed, chin up, walk confidently and smile. I don't know where the confidence come from but I guess that was the best of me.

During this time, Kakyong and Hanafi in pink while Nuar and Erina in blue. The two brides drove themselves to the Chinese hall location from Atok's house. When the male bride wants to enter the hall, he begins arresting by others bridesmaid. He must give some money to the bridesmaid in order to get entered. Beside that, we also have fun with some activities' that being held. Last but no lest of the day, we dance poco-poco all together.

That was for Kakyong's side of the family. For Hanafi's side of family, I was being the bridesmaid or maid of honor too. The ceremony goes differently from Kakyong's side of family. When the bridal entourage arrive, we were greeted with drums beating. Then, they perform us Silat to celebrate the ceremony.

Before our family leave, Umi Mah says "Nana makin hari makin cantik, jangan kahwin 5-6 tahun lagi okay?". Then she hug and kiss me goodbye.

Bump into an old friend

Best friend reunion. This is my best friend. Say HI.

During this semester break, I bump into an old friend. Neither offline nor online. After a week of semester break, I posted a picture in my Convent WhatsApp group. I haven't posted anything since I'm disappearing myself in study week in USM. So, it turns out, my friend in the group planned to meet up at Aeon Taiping. Amalina, Fatin and me surrogate Izati's car to go to Aeon Taiping. Amira Famida came afterward, when we are having our lunch at the food court and about to finish it. Izati send me back to home around 5 o'clock.

At night, its been a long time since the last time I haven't logged into my Facebook account. So tonight I log in and I noticed that there was a new message in my Facebook. It was from my strange old friend. He asks my phone number and he text me that night. He told me about his problem. This was not the first time my friend search for me to cry out about their problem. It's okay, I don't mind. I'll be a good listener for everyone. Hehe.

He tells me about his sad story. How his life turns out. He keeps crying and stressed. He lives far away from my place. There's nothing else I can do to help him to overcome his problem, but just send him an advice text message. So, yeah, that's what a good friend suppose to do, right? I'm worried if he did something stupid like taking drugs, suicide, getting drunk and etc. Probably hope he won't do that.

Meanwhile, he reconnects me with my long lost old best friend in Convent, Liyana. Big thanks to him. Yeay!! May Allah bless you. He also sings me a song with his guitar, talk about his life, ask about my life, compliment me. I believe, all he did with me just to release his stress. We are nothing but just a friend. He is not my type of man anyway. So, no heart feeling to any 'pick up line' word he tries to say to me because I don't trust a man's word. I trust man action. Maybe he tries to test his power on me or something. HAHA. I don't really like talking about man. It's a waste of time. I will never allow any man entering my brain other than my family member. My heart was totally closed for strange men (but not with my family) until I get my first degree or master or PhD or old or die or what so ever.

"WHEN YOU STOP SEARCHING FOR A PRINCE 

AND MAKE ALLAH THE KING OF YOUR HEART, 

HE WILL HELP YOU COMPLETE YOUR 'fairytale'"

Lost but still searching

When finish eating at Deena Restaurant, while waiting Ayah to pay the bill.

Umi : Nana suka apa?
Me : Kuey teow kung fu. (hehe. I thought my mum asking me about food)
Umi : Tak la. Nana suka apa? Music? Guitar?
Me ; Tak la. Tak.
Umi : Habis main saje-saje eh. Tak suka? Habis ambil kelas guitar dekat U tu. Tak suka eh.
Me : Ha'a. Main je. Sebab bukan nak jadi artis pon.

My mum was not the only one who me ask this question. Some of them do ask me to perform a show. Yeah, I do have a passion for guitar actually. Last time, after I am finished SPM and Matriculation College, I do put an effort to learn music instrument. I self taught myself to play song by song and recorded it on video. But things change when one day I realize that music can't bring me no where. I mean, nether world, nor hereafter. So, it turns out, I'm switching my passion to Quran. Since that, I have begun to read and listen to Quran audio instead of entertaining music. Alhamdulillah, my time well spend. Day by day, I felt so calm, happy and cheerful.

Photo of WhatsApp message when Im disappearing during study and exam week.

The truth is, 

I'm really don't know who I am. 

I'm still lost out of no where. 

But yet, I still searching myself. 

I was busy looking forward until I forget my past. 

I forget who am I.

Seriously.

Who am I?