Ocean of Tears

Remember those times

when I start not to cry and smile?

Remember those times

when I start not to came out from the house?

Remember those times 

when I always be the one who gone in a photograph?

Remember those times

when I sacrifice myself to see their happiness?

Remember those times

when I've been gone away too long?

I've been missing a lot of things.

Remember those times

when I start to cry and smile?

Remember those times

when I start to came out from the house?

Remember those times

when I start to appear on the photograph?

Remember those times

when I still love seeing their happiness?

Remember those times

when I didn't mind to be the one that gone?

A lot of things just happen.

After searching for so long.

I droped an ocean of tears.
I cried about a billion of times.
Realizing that I'm a sinner in 'one thing'.

Now, people can easily saw the tears.

But nobody dares to lend me a shoulder.

Except, a prayer mat.

I didn't understand.

Why should I crying every time I meet that mat.

Day by day,

I may not get what I am wishing for.

But what I get is,

I feel comfort.
I feel not alone.
I feel the sweetness.

I feel someone is loving me.
I saw it and it's beautiful.

~unknown

Bump into an old friend

Best friend reunion. This is my best friend. Say HI.

During this semester break, I bump into an old friend. Neither offline nor online. After a week of semester break, I posted a picture in my Convent WhatsApp group. I haven't posted anything since I'm disappearing myself in study week in USM. So, it turns out, my friend in the group planned to meet up at Aeon Taiping. Amalina, Fatin and me surrogate Izati's car to go to Aeon Taiping. Amira Famida came afterward, when we are having our lunch at the food court and about to finish it. Izati send me back to home around 5 o'clock.

At night, its been a long time since the last time I haven't logged into my Facebook account. So tonight I log in and I noticed that there was a new message in my Facebook. It was from my strange old friend. He asks my phone number and he text me that night. He told me about his problem. This was not the first time my friend search for me to cry out about their problem. It's okay, I don't mind. I'll be a good listener for everyone. Hehe.

He tells me about his sad story. How his life turns out. He keeps crying and stressed. He lives far away from my place. There's nothing else I can do to help him to overcome his problem, but just send him an advice text message. So, yeah, that's what a good friend suppose to do, right? I'm worried if he did something stupid like taking drugs, suicide, getting drunk and etc. Probably hope he won't do that.

Meanwhile, he reconnects me with my long lost old best friend in Convent, Liyana. Big thanks to him. Yeay!! May Allah bless you. He also sings me a song with his guitar, talk about his life, ask about my life, compliment me. I believe, all he did with me just to release his stress. We are nothing but just a friend. He is not my type of man anyway. So, no heart feeling to any 'pick up line' word he tries to say to me because I don't trust a man's word. I trust man action. Maybe he tries to test his power on me or something. HAHA. I don't really like talking about man. It's a waste of time. I will never allow any man entering my brain other than my family member. My heart was totally closed for strange men (but not with my family) until I get my first degree or master or PhD or old or die or what so ever.

"WHEN YOU STOP SEARCHING FOR A PRINCE 

AND MAKE ALLAH THE KING OF YOUR HEART, 

HE WILL HELP YOU COMPLETE YOUR 'fairytale'"

Larian 1 Murid 1 Sukan 1 Malaysia

Yesterday I've being scolded just because of the sport shoes issue. I don't know what come over me but I really don't like it. I cant sleep at night. I hope I'm happy to go trough today. 

This is how the days goes :

pukul5 buat air. Amad turun bawah amek tawel tiba2 pastu mandi. minum. naik atas. siap2 kelam kabut kemas barang. naik kereta. terlupa pakai satu benda. patah balik. pakai benda tu. naik kereta. a**h berhenti dekat depan pejabat pos. Amad amek baju. jalan dengan a**h pegi padang Esplanade. Subahanaallah. tak penah aku ade dalam situasi macam ni. aku suka. rase exited gila. orang ramai macam nak berperang. sampai padang a**h pegi tempat lain. tinggal aku sorang. pusing2 cari group convent. lalu depan. jumpa Syndee. cari group convent sama2. jalan2 da jumpa. amek reben dekat Cik Mas. nak gulung2. Hawa tolong pegang kan. pastu dia tolong ikat kan. pastu nak tampal nombor dekat perut. bla bla bla. countdown same2. mula lari dengan Hawa. tamat lari dengan Hawa jugak. nampak Ain Madiha main kompang. dengar 'U Mobile' membebel. bersama Sharifah. jumpa mak Rita dan Rita. salam2. Rita dan Natasha join aerobik atas pentas. amek makanan. tunggu cabutan bertuah. tak dapat. ikot Hawa dan Rita masok khemah K.E cari orang. Sharifah takot nak masok. jalan2 tepi khemah. dapat roti free. jalan2. Hawa jumpa Salman. muka dia ada warna. Sharifah ajak tengok pertandingan sorak. DIA tegor. muka dia pon ada warna. pegi tengok sorak dengan Sharifah. berdiri lama2. turn Convent last. Convent menang sorak untuk kategeri perempuan. SMDB menang untuk kategeri lelaki. pastu aku jalan sorang2. terjumpa Sheshe dan Adila. cakap best la menang. dia pelok aku. tepon u** suroh amekkan. jalan sorang2 sampai kat tennis court. tunggu jap. u** sampai. naik keta. kena marah lagi. dia tanya nape tak jalan kaki balik uma je? *kalo tak bole amek cakap jela. aku bole jalan kaki sendiri. aku diam je. sampai rumah spoil mood aku habis. aku lupa aku happy ke tak tadi. 

Pesta Ria TMGS

Imagine 45 minutes lining up along the corridor just to enter the hunted house. Trust me, these thing can easily sucked up the 'i am handsome' confidence straight out of you. There are some people who incharge treat people like a bullshit. The customer was being scolded from getting too crowded along the entrance. They just wont give your money back once touch the entrance paper even you didn't enter yet. Hellllooo. it just a small piece of paper that value for nothing. These people must been forgot about the 'customer always rite' rite? 

The hunted house was great. I'm the back person in the line. It seriously shock me when the gost keep scaring me from my back, and it involuntary action me to just scream like hell. It embracing me then when I just realize that I was hug Rita from her back along the way. When it just comes to exit, I just think that 'uh? why I hug her? what an earth am I doing?'. Then, I quickly put my hand off from her. Lucikly, no one saw that. hihi:p

This is the day that I saw a lot of my old buddies. I feel composed of each remembered name. But I am here just pretending not to know them. Time changes and they know damn as well. I dont even think they remember me since I slip away. But just face it. The worse nightmare was over. *sedar ape yang aku dapat bila dah hilang :(

Anyway, tenggs for today. Today was great coz I was enjoying the bites even it been for a while moment with two of her. 

fine

Before this blog starting to look dead, I'd better post something. The face of another day. Life getting better and I'm getting so fine :) with stable electron arrangement. Thanks God. I love you more.

Mom! I will succeed and I will put you out of your misery. There will only be bright days ahead. Have in faith in me! So, how are you going to be succeed anyways? Designer! World's top fashion designer! Stop being foolish, will you? :P I want to be a doctor. Not a designer. The thing that I want to tell here is do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth? I think it was "A whole lot of truthful truth that". 

Failed was the unforgiving to accept from dear parent. I rather do anything to avoid this.  I might as well make my own exam result, plus A's :P But the problem is I dont really understand what the hell i've been learning this month , huh. 

The reality world has kept me busy and awaaaaaay busy to spend time writing useless shits. So, the bottomline, im busy. 

I WANT 9A+ SO BADLY :(

wah!! dia pelok aku dohh..

Tadi ada program kecermerlangan tingkatan5. Dia tabole datang sebenanya tapi dia datang jugak.


2.40 pm berator tepi Dewan Konsert. Maksuk Dewan. Nyanyi lagu negaraku dan negeri perak. Duduk. Pn Rahimah berucap. Perasmian. Bangun. Duduk. Pn Ang berucap. Tetamu berucap.Cikgu berikra. Ibu bapa berikra. Kite orang berikra. Jerit "kami boleh!!". Duduk.


Masa nak semat lencana, aku salam dia. Pastu dia pinkan lencana. Sambil tu aku senyum2 je macam kerang busuk. Then aku salam dia lagi. Pastu aku saje je nak cakap "peluk?". Tiba2 dia peluk aku. Aku terkejut. Sebelum ni aku tak pena peluk dia. Tiba2 aku rasa macam nak nangis. *cheh, perlu ke? haha. Tapi aku tahan je. Lama betol aku tak nangis kan?


Masa time menjamu selera. Dia nak makan sebenarnya tapi sebab aku ada tusyen Bio kejap lagi dia tak jadi. Kita org terus balik. Aku kelam kabut nak siap pegi tusyen Bio. 


Mase nak dekat balik Sir aja pasal jenis2 glands. Pastu dia tanya macam mana ibu susuan boleh menyusukan anak? Dan dari mana dia dapat susu? Cara dia, dia amek injection untuk satu glands(aku lupa nama glands tu) ni bertindak menghasilkan susu. Glands ni pulak terletak di dalam memmery glands. Kitaorang tanya 'memmery glands' tu ape? Dia diam je, tak jawab. Pastu dia tulis perkataan 'MEMMERY GLANDS' dalam kurungan 'female brest'. haha. semua orang gelak. budak laki yang ketawa lebih2. Sir buat muka be'ngang. Sir cakap "cuba la open minded siket. kamu ni dah la amek science stream. benda ni benda untuk belaja bukan untuk jadi bahan lawak. kalau kamu nak lawak2 tak payah la amek Bio. amek je LP. blablabla..." pastu dia suruh la jadi open minded sikit untuk terima pelajaran. pastu dia cakap pasal pelajar cemerlang punya atitude la ubah sikap jadi matured sikit la dan lain2 lagi. Lastly dia ingatkan yang SPM lagi 7 bulan. Dia cakap "kamu pura-pura jadi matang selama 7 bulan pun tape. untuk SPM. lepastu kalau nak nakal balik. nakal la." :P

they are still they

Still searching for Totis? Yeah, they still searching for me. Actually I want to avoid myself from facing them forever. Can't forget my worst nightmare until today. Its been a year I din't have any connection with them. There's one situation that they beg me to come along with them to complete the last moment. Without me, they can't complete with 4 of us even she remind me that I'm not the same.

I have no idea how am I suppose to reach there. I'm home alone right now and nobody can help me catch there. After a short think, she give me a hint with a taxi phone number. She suggest me to take a cab. And that's a good idea. 

This may be our first or last chapter to meet us all together. They still the same. There's no regret inside them. They cant change me to be like them like I used to be. I'm already change into a kind stuff. Thank god for save me from the dark by showing me the right path to go. *Its okay I'll keep their DIRTY SECRET.

The part of our today is one of us are awesome! She bet a pool game with a dick and she won the game. Then, we also play snooker until we are surrender to play. After that, one of the best part is we scream together in a box until the session end. *sorry, no hardcore for you girls.

Time past by like lightning. Its time to leave. I made the end here first. A hug make me feel better to know that we have to leave. Maybe until forever T_T 


THE END

heavy fever

 

I am READY. 

Its time for show time. 

Of course I feel pleasant. 

I REALLY REALLY want to make trough this, 

but the fever arrive. 

So, I get a medicine from 7e to avoid the fever. 

I ask the cashier for a fever medicine, 

but the cashier gave me a gastric medicine. 

I just realize it when Im already take the pill.

I try to fight back the fever,

but it no use because the fever was to heavy,

The agenda was keep going even it was raining.

A kind buddies just came to replace me.

THERE WILL BE NO NEXT TIME.

I can't accept the replacement T_T

Same by in this team.

I don't think I cant afford through this.

I can't accept the fate.

My eyes began to fill up,

but I forced myself to just stay although this is wasted.

How am I supposed to feel about the things I’ve done.

I don’t know if I should stay or turn around and run.

My next time was already at the end.

 

Im so sick of all of this.

Im tired being in the same luck,

when is my time being up there?

SEMUA ORANG KEJAM, DUNIA MEMANG TAK ADIL

 

out desperate ~

In top 24

This is going to be about the damn fun game , but an unforgiving true fact. Its almost funny when I made a gayteacher fall down on the grown.

One damn left person hit the ball toward me. I suppose to pass it by hit the ball into goal, but he just take it and push away for us to chase. He just like damn um ohh. I mean what wrong with him? Did he think he has a good skill enough? 

By then, he missed the ball and it awesomely hit by me. Then, he tripped and fell in the middle of the field and being laughed. Pitty him. Guess how does he feel? So, embarrassing rite? HAHA.

Dont get me wrong, Im not afraid a bit to him. Infact this it is just pretty funny.

Ohh wait. I haven't told you about my old buddies. Its turn out there. God meet us on the field. She still hail me as "Totis" since yesterday until today. Its remind me our sweet moment. Thats SWEET as her did, aww :)

Okayokay thats enough Wana.

out~

Mark me a hole

Fear not , I'm not dead yet. I'm still here baby. Let me explain , the past few weeks without no updates is solely because I've entirely unforgivably busy. Only god knows how busy am I. Why ?

I'm sure it's been a while since the I last updated this forsaken thing .

Actually I've been overly and entirely busy that I forgot about this blog. Thanks to the fucking homeworks on hold from the douchebag's at the smk. They event dont give a crap to know how you'd feel. Here I show you my homework list :

It just a plain wtf rite ?

And it is the Chinese new year , the month of prosperity they say. The time where you should be relaxing and begging your chinese friend for a cheap bastard ang pau's by enjoying those rare sweet oranges while watching some 1970's porno. If you did that. LOL

Too add it up , gayvalentine is here too and where the fuck is my chocolate. HEY, I WANT MY CHOC , CHOC !

just feel hell like home

Still stuck in the hell. But this time the hell seen so different. The hell was make me smile. The hell make my day a day. The hell make me feel the bites of happiness like there's no tomorrow. Thank you for everything. But yet it become so different feel when I am invisible. Like I have nothing to do. Ofcoz I hate that feeling. Its okay. I DONT CARE MUCH !!

Being a student is fun and enjoying. But everybody know the agonizing part of it. The up and down as they say. We all have different styles on how to handle every problem we have. My way to handle my problems is not think about it over and over again so it no longer bothers me. But there’s one problem that I can’t easily get rid off it and it seen come to an end. It is Sick.

It start from the trauma moment. It already became a habit. I always woke up on school days with the end to school with stress feel. Maybe Im too long keep myself in the dark until Im afraid of the light. Even, when on some meetings of friends or an event I always be the kind of bad respond person. It just like "kehadiran aku bagaikan tiang gol yang barnyawa"

Its okay. I dont care it either. I am here. I am alone. And dont need anyone help. I sure I can do it all by myself. What I need is just to get enough sleep.

I’ve got used to prepare myself to mind set it back. Since these day, I try to change my attitude even it seems to hard for me. I’ll start to change this practice little by little until it fades away completely. Hey, Im still on the period of changing. I hope it works to change a part of me. For sure I have much time left to change it :D

black sheep again

Oh my its good to touch you back, dear keyboard. I miss you so much. Touching your countless, uh buttons yea buttons makes me hard on. Your figure is way better than beyonce's (*oh that pig is fat,admit it farkers). Okay stop playing. Lets start to get off topic and weird. It is black sheep. Oh no! Not again.


Well, one idiot who obviously dumb and dumb arrive back home. My privacy space had been hack (*sorry to say that). Since then, the worst happen. What wrong with these people? Why they keep scolding me all the time even not my mistake. I feel so lack of love. Oh yess, I almost forget. Im useless and un wanted on this earth right? and I am born just to be scold with no reason.

Its okay. They can say what ever they want to say but I herd nothing. I silenced trying to figure a reason. I couldn't care much about it. It is just piece of garbage anyway. Just admit it. I keep my mouth shot to clam me down with doing innocent face. Oh yes!! Thank godness. They give up to talk more. hahahaha. Good job. Now, fighting over is some outdated fugly dance (*is just pure dumbass). I was to lazy to fight back.

(p/s : It turn out, my bad luck isnt ending.)

cant sleep + tired = sick head

dah dua hari tak boleh tido. why? why? why? i dono.

when all set done. kelam kabut nak get ready pegi trip.

7.00 am - betolak dari convent. duduk dengan Looi. Sharon dengan Saranya. berenti breakfast kat tapah.

11.30 am - sampai KLCC. tandas jap.

12.35 am - petrosain. perjalanan sekilas masa. dark ride. bersama Hawe, Rita, Sheshe, ngan lagi dua org sape ntah. tak ingat. bla bla bla. bla bla bla.

(*sorry aku tade mood nak tangkap gamba. aku teringin nak tido)

2.30 pm - pegi food court. Hawe, Rita, aku makan nasi ayam. Hawa belanja air oren. Sheshe makan bihun. bla bla bla. pusing2. bla bla bla. tunggu bas.

3.50 pm - naik bas. try kuey tiaw Saranya. pegi tandas belakang time square. tuka baju. naik bas. simpan. susun. turun. tunggu yang lain kejap. jalan. beli t-shirt monster dua. saja saja.

6.00 pm - tunggu dekat pintu utama. kat situ mcm gig free XFM tu la. patot la Mior ajak aku turun KL. ikot event dia kot. ada artis. banyak artis. tape takesah.

6.30 pm - bas sampai time sqare. naik. bertolak.

7.45 pm - cancle pegi bandar ICT. nak pegi terus check in hotel. bilik aku, fatin, yana no. 301. Yana mandi. OMG! she naked. buat tak nampak. Fatin mandi. aku tak sempat mandi. basah sikit2 je. siap. turun. aku ngan Fatin pegi dulu. Yana tunggu Nyonya, Fatanah dengan Fatin Nabilah.

9.15 pm - sunway piramid. cari Hawe. naik atas. tade. turun. cari Nyonya. Looi mesej tanya dekat mana. aku dah tataw aku kat mana. suroh diaorang jalan dulu. berpecah. wah. aku nampak ice skate lah. teman Fatin beli barang untuk mak dia kat JUSCO. da beli. pusing2. makan McD. kat tepi tengah McD tu ada ice skate. dah makan. nak kua dari sunway. Oh tidak. sesat! Fatin pegi turun dekat ice skate tuh. aku pon pelik. takkan la pintu kua kat sini. aku ikot dia je. org yg kat ice skate tuh tanya kenapa dekat sini? Fatin cakap nak cari pintu keluar. dia cakap bukan dekat sini. dekat atas. pastu naik lift pegi atas. kedai semua da tutop. kita org follow orang cina tuh jalan. tengok2 dia bukan nak kua dari sunway tapi dia memang stay dekat hotel dalam sunway nih. nampak pakgad. Fatin tanya mana pintu kelua. dia bagi taw. jalan2. pusing2. thx god. da jumpa da. kua. pegi hotel. masok bilik. bla bla bla. aku ngan Fatin pegi bilik 202. Fatin kua dari bilik 202. bla bla bla. diaorang main telefon. call bilik sana sini. Sheshe call bilik 301 ckp "Room survis. I have a complain that you room is too noisy. ..." diaorang tahan gelak tutup2 idong. aku tatahan gelak. bla bla bla. kua dari bilik 202. naik. masok bilik. bla bla bla. Daru mintak tolong surprise birthday Beh dalam bilik diaorang. masok bilik diaorang. tutop lampu. Sharon, Looi, Saranya pon ada. lari sana sini. bla bla bla. Beh datang masok bilik. surprise!! nyanyi lagu birthday. bukak lampu. kelua dari bilik. diaorg lari lari lagi. masok bilik Hawe. bla bla bla. naik masok bilik aku. bagi chipmore. Yana makan. Fatin tamaw. bla bla bla.

OMG! OMG! OMG! mana pegi casing contact lens aku? cari cari. geledah beg. tade. turun. bilik 202. tanya ada taperware tak? bagi taw why why dan why. Sheshe bagi tapeware makanan. tapi besa. masok bilik. terpikir. takkan nak simpan contact lens dalam bekas yang koto en. tak jadi guna. turun. bilik 202. mintak plastik. Sheshe bagi plastik cadburry. naik. masok bilik. turun dia org pulak nak geledah beg aku nak cari casing dia. bukan cari pon tapi belek2 barang aku. tape tak kesah. tanya Fatin ada plastik lagi satu tak. dia cakap tada. Yana cakap ada dekat depan lift dekat meja. kelua. pegi dekat meja. bukak laci. cari2. dah dapat. bla bla bla. simpan contact lens. pakai cemin mata. dah relax. huha huha huha. wah wah teruja bila dia ketawa. bla bla bla. huha huha.

dalam pukol dua mcm tuh Yana ajak kua. jalan2 saja saja. Fatin tamaw ikot. aku just pakai selua pendek ngan t-shirt sama dengan Yana. kelua. usha luar dekat tingkap depan bilik. masok bilik balek. Yana tajadi pakai selua pendek dengan t-shirt. dia pakai leklok skali ngan tudung. gud gud. aku just tambah sweater takot kalau2 aku tak tahan sejuk kat luar tuh. saja nak interframe. duduk dekat kedai mamak bawah tepi hotel tuh. minom je. bla bla bla. Yana nak makan roti canai pulak. suruh aku belanja. aku tamaw sebenanya. tapi tapela. sedekah. bukan slalu dengan dia. dia pon order lah cakap nak "roti canai" org tuh dengar "roti bakar". dia ulang lagi dan lagi. baru org tuh dengar dengan betol. bla bla bla. dan kita ketawa.

kita org kat mana nih? dekat negara negro ke? banyak gila negro kat sini. macam kita dua orang je melayu. ada negro mabok la. negro baik ada. ramai pulak negro kelua makan kat kedai makan pagi2 buta dekat sini.

sedikit sesi berterus terang dan luahan perasaan dengan Yana. bla bla bla. ada negro gado cakap pasal hamster. kita orang gelak2. dengar negro tuh sembang2 lagi. gelak lagi. lagi dan lagi. aku rasa macam Im own the night dengan dia. lama betol aku tak ketawa. ketawa macam setan. bla bla bla. huha huha. aku pon nak baya lah bill. da baya. pukol 4 mcm tuh. nak masok bilik. tadi ada org tuh mintak "dunhil" tapi mamak tuh denga "sardin". haha. apela. pekak.

ok. dah cukup tuh aku chill. masok bilik. Fatin da tido best je. Yana pon tido. aku tak tido. try tido. tabole. lagi. sampai pukol 6 lebih mcm tuh. aku mandi dulu. Fatin mandi. Yana mandi. dudok2 sat. tunggu dia org siap. bla bla bla. bilik Ezatie, Fad, Fatin Nabila jap. bla bla bla. diaorg makeup makeup. aku tak. tak suka makeup. I hate makeup. pegi bilik 214 jap. bilik Looi, sharon, Saranya. Saranya mintak charge. pegi bilik Ezatie. tanya charge. tade. pegi bilik 214 balik. lepak kejap. amek roti Saranya. pegi bilik Ezatie. dudok sat. Fatin tade. bla bla bla. tak ingat dah. turun. breakfast. abiskan chipsmore je. Fatin makan nasi goreng dgn roti telo. Mr. Chan blanja semua org. bla bla bla. 7e. bla bla bla. tunggu bas.

10.00 am - bas datang. betolak. aku dudok dgn Sharon pulak. Looi dgn Saranya.

10.45 am - sampai one utama. bla bla bla. huha huha. makan burger king. dgn Hawe, Rita, Sheshe, mano. frust gile lah. tamaw kawan Burger King. Burger King jahat!! jahat!! jahat!! jahat!! ok dah. lupakan. jalan2. pusing2. pegi tropicana life. OMG! OMG! beli sweater. sama corak macam Sheshe tapi colour ijau klabu cam tuh. bla bla bla bla bla bla bla. sesat sesat. bla bla bla.

1.30 pm - bas bergerak bila semua dah ada. bas amek cikgu dekat IKEA.

2.55 pm - tak jadi pegi planitarium. sbb tutop setiap jumaat. dan Mano is leaving dekat area area situ. semua 4SC3 turun. pelok Mano. dia org sedih. aku rase sebak sikit. tape. teruskan. otw JJ ipoh. tgok cita 'lu pikir lah sendiri'.

6.00 pm - sampai JJ. bersama Looi, Sharon, Saranya. tandas jap. pusing2. cari kek untuk anivasary mak ayah Sharon. naik. diaorg mkn. aku tak mkn. malas. tunggu diaorg mkn. aku beli waffel coklet. turun. Sharon blanja aku dengan Saranya ice cream. naik. turun. teman Looi beli baju Nike untuk mak dia. kelua. tunggu depan pintu.

8.00 pm - naik bas. balik. tengok cerita 'niyang rapik' masa otw. sampai mcm nak dekat pukol 10 cam tu la. dia orang semua mak bapak dah amek balik. tinggal aku ngan Fatin last tak balik lagi. tunggu kejap. dah sampai. balik.

tiga hari lebih tak tido. aku macam dah nak mati. lembik dah. aku penat. aku nak tido. bila nak tido? try tido. try tido. try. try. try. dah SHUT DOWN.

(*bila pengsan ingatkan dah mati)

swan origami

At frist I bring origami on Thursday. Not much of us attend. Sharon, Looi, Ama join me todo a swan. I just gave the swan that I made to anyone that I want. I gave it to Hawe and Sheshe. but sheshe didnt take it. i saw it. she leave the swan like a rubbish on the table. its okay. I dont care. I am nothing to you. I just gave that blue swan to fatin when she just arrive back from softball.

On monday, I bring origami again bcoz Looi ask me to bring it. Just for fun. not for nothing. like the day before. not much of us attend today. at frist, just sharon, looi and ama join me. we have nothing to do. then the moral gals from 4s4 and one fom 3 gals come and join me. it seem they interest to do this shit activities. later then, Hawa, Rita and the other come. its may sound stupid to know that they just be around my table just for these origami. well, we just nothing todo and dono what todo. its is better than we just doing stupid or gossiping to waste.

(p/s : Thanks to Lieshe for doing me a fish origami and priya for do me a t-shirt)

Thanks for this attention. Thank you all. This will maybe our last moment you treat me like a friend.

Thanks origami! Im HAPPY today

(P/s : Being unnoticed is bullshit rite? Time for make some change. Of course, drastically change loser, mark my words. I'll be the next she, I WILL BE NOTICED, people will hail me and kiss my ugly-odored feet like an Indian freak did)

apasal hang nih?

aku dah jadi bad attitude balik. tido tak stabil, makan tak stabil, study pon tak stabil. datang skola muka stress je. macam parah sangat ke? tula study hard sangat. kan dah effect. bila cikgu masok kelas cikgu mesti tanya "nape muka masam?" atau "why you so serious?". muka aku masam? yaka?

pape pon nasib baik ada teacher. bila ternampak dia nampak dia saja. tak nampak orang lain dah. aku boleh senyum n ketawa bila teacher aja. wah!! wah! wan senyum? wan ketawa? diaorang kesah apesal? ta pena tengok aku senyum ka? slama ni ada diaorg kesah? hmm. lupakan. yg penting aku tamau sibok2 pasal org. aku kesah pasal aku sorang ja.

study HARD HARD pon rugi jugak. walaupon exam lama lagi dah nak prepare HARD HARD awal2. bila time final exam je terus dah sakit. buat rugi je slama ni aku berkorban terperap dalam bilik lama2. masa kawan lain ajak enjoy kejap pon dah di burnkan. pasal kwn aku malas cakap la. tu bukan mslh aku. aku takesah. aku reda

three in one

Day : same day

Date : same date

Time : different time

Title 1

In relationship with @#$ :p

Shame on you? No! Im a shame!! How dare me waste my time to play this part of puppy love. Hey bitch, final struggle was around the corner. I just told him that I will not be around on school day. Pitty you? Okay, okay. Let me give you a discount. It was two days a week with you. Is that better? haha :p

So, are you serious? But surely Im not coz I think I know he is a player 'I think'.

Tittle 2

Its maybe sound stupid that I came to PizzaHat Restaurant just to eat. Not other shit! 

Just feel thankful for being invite. We are enjoying our food while annoying together. Everyone was joking with annoyed except me. I dont know whats wrong with me. Always something wrong I guess.

Tittle 3

A bored text with my secret admire. He ask me a stupid question that I already answered last time. Actualy I never tough I had a secret admire. I'm not a good looking person so.. By the way, he a player I guess.

At last, we were fighting in just short period time =.= and he telling me about his feeling *with nice drama word. Hahaha. This is fake. Probably he doesn't meant that. Forsure he will not wait me until the end.

panic at the tesco

Out for open fasting with Gemoks Family. We're open fast at tesco food court. The ice lemon tea come first. Im order some food like some of them order. While that, they are having some chocolate cake for Gemoks Family and also for Sheshe, Hawe 16th brithday. While that too, I bring along my handmade self kuih raya. Then, we went TS. Some of them are buying some cloth and tudung or something else for their raya preparation. After a while, Fatin ask me cobber her down stair to get Tasya coz she was just arrive.

Its time for Rita leaving, we already in Tesco building. Rita was in trouble coz she afraid to be scold by her mother. She was late for her mother fetch her back. We just having a handshake with smile to calm her mother madness down. And we also ask her if she want some piece of cake.

We are losing our direction coz some of them had separate away. Im with Tasha, Ummi and Hawa have a sit at KFC to wait some of them. Then, bla bla bla. When a stalker past by, Hawa and Ummi go to Mano and Sheshe at McD. Im and Tasha are waiting Fatin at KFC. Then, a starker past by again. Me and Tasha go to them at McD. We have a sit for a while and bla bla bla. 

Its actually the time for my d** to fetch me back. Fatin still at the Tesco buying some kitchen stuff for her mother. But only for a while, I cobber Tasha to get Fatin at Tesco. Just cant just leave her walking alone at night add by she has no phone!!

I rush away to get my d**. Damn, I was been scolded. I just 10 minutes late but he scold me like hell. I just ask forgiveness and just be quit. His shout voice almost break my eardrum. Then, suddenly he lift up about tusyen. I dont know what the point he scold me. Its okay. To be scold by him was already be my habitual. Maybe he to stress at work. Its okay, I dont care. It no longer bother my emotion until I forget how to cry. Seriously, I cant cry either.

My m** not at home for two day. I just texting her my fake feel. Actually Im not. Just to make her ask 'why' to him. And I just want to know 'why'.

gejala usik mengusik

I had almost face this situation all the time in school. At first I thought they hate me and love to see im down. But the truth they just wana had fun between us to share every moment. Im too quiet when they try to cheer me up. This is the reason why i had no best friend until now.

So, now onward I didnt have to feel any inferior. be strong to fight back all their funny word. Dont worry be happy. Just dont forget to play your own character

By the way thanks a lot to Pn Ong Siew Moi. Can I hug you like a bear? I love you so much. You the reason why I still stay in this school.

Heck of the month

No friend no boyfriend and nobody in my life. Nobody want to hang out with me. and I'm alone in home right now. I hate all the human around me. All of them are the same. How could they do this to me. They treat me like a dog. I'm not that fool your damn ass. One day I will beat your bum. I hate you. I hate them. Is this what I got after six month hold on in this hell?

Once again I'm down with situation that I face. There a teacher who always making funny by affront me. She just to much look down upon me. No one defend me. I'm so disappointed with all the human in this class. What the fish! They also add by what teacher making funny. My heart already burn inside. I put my head down to calm down. Run to wash room, lock the door and sit there until the school over. At home, I scream hardly in car. Take the white pill and I'll feel alright.

On the next day, only Sharon and Loi asking about yesterday. Thank for caring and give me attention. Once again, the same teacher give me a hint that she hate me. I don't know what her problem. Did she out of her mind?

a girl make my money burst !!

I was hanging out with Sherry around 12.30 noon. I spend along offday Sunday with her while my money waste for her lunch at KFC. Its okay dear. Its okay along you are the light in my life to tell me that Im not alone and I have a friend. I told my self to never regret from this moment event my money waste. Lets make more mistake and learn. Another waste is I just follow Sherry desirous to buy a starbuck coffee. She dont want us to share. Okay fine!! Why so stupid im doing this? I dont need this junk drink!!

I am away to have a hair cut while Sherry meet her two chinese friend. I not make any hair change. Only a little trim cut to make it little bit short.

Time run faster than I thought and damn I was late. Arriving late earns me the sexual relationship between sexes. WTF? Ayah scold me because Im late going home. Again? Oh no!! Not again. He ask me to go home and never come to visit my grandmother this time. Its okay. I dont care what....